I own a crystal ball. It’s hidden under my bed. Occasionally, I take it out, shake it hard and look into the future. Yesterday was the first time in three years I’ve removed it from its safe shadowy corner. I did a reading for Ghana 2009. I present here, the real-time on-the-spot audacious predictions. The following commonsense non-divine forecasts span across the political, social and health landscapes. At the end of the year, this column will return to these predictions to see how my crystal ball fared.
Dear reader, please don’t contact me to give you a personal reading because I’ve returned the crystal ball back to its dim comfort place, far underneath my bed. Contact your pastor for spiritual matters, not me!
Religious Matters: The National Peace Council would be very busy, piecing grumpy Jerry and grouchy John together over their age-old cantankerous relational feud. Fact: the John (Kufuor) and Jerry (Rawlings) drama has just entered a grand phase, in the process of becoming schizophrenic. This year, their relationship will grow wings and fangs. Worst of all, instead of getting busy as elder statesmen to build useful and edifying legacy projects like Presidential Libraries, John and Jerry and their cronies will drag us innocent hungry folks into their life dramas although we were not part of their good old days. So Bishops, Archbishops, Reverend Fathers and Peace Council elders, get your prayer gowns on. There’s work ahead.
Cholera Outbreak: Expect a cholera outbreak to hit parts of Accra, Tema and Kumasi around April. The eye of the storm will be in the mega-city of Accra. It will be triggered by the rainy season. The handwriting has been on the wall for a long time but in April, the centre will no longer hold and people will visibly suffer over our insane sanitation situation.
There’s ‘bola’ everywhere, mounting. The decentralised assemblies are overwhelmed and under-funded. With the rains, leachate (fluid from garbage) will build-up and snake around hungrily, entering already filthily choked-utters and water-ways. Due to open dumping of refuse, water and food will be contaminated, leading to the cholera outbreak. It will occur at a time when the government is so dazed, just coming out of an eventful honeymoon. Meanwhile, it has been discovered that Ghana is broke!
Honeymoon: Honey does not last forever. When you eat and lick out honey from the moon, it runs out. That’s just the way life goes. Political-honeymoons have a hundred-day lifespan. The honeymoon of the groom (Mills) and his bride (Ghana) will end on April 16. Virginity was lost in earnest on January 7 during the poorly-organized swearing-in ceremony at the Independence Square. The relationship is currently in very active mode, full-swing with all the intrigues, petty disagreements, veiled insults and bizarre looks from the far end corner of the left eye.
Promises made during courtships should not be taken seriously because they are made in the heat of foolish passion. But this over-defiled bride (Ghana) is stubborn and will make demands. She has been taken before, many times and by many grooms – the good, the bad, the rascal, and the very ugly.
So look out for honeymoon dramas borne out of bride disappointments. Issues like the reduction of petrol prices and other half-baked, little thought-out, passion-driven, vote-hungry campaign promises made by the groom would trigger cat-fights. So in no time, the groom (Mills) will be de-flowered and rendered butt-naked. He will experience chop-money problems and the painful dilemma of how to keep this over-raped bride happy. It won’t be easy. No kid gloves in this matter.
Witch-hunting: Closely related to the honeymoon prediction is a political witch-hunting prediction. It will be more of wizard-hunting than hunting for witches since it’s mostly men who occupy sensitive political positions while women cook and clean and serve men as secretaries. Damn! Don’t be fooled when during the early days of the Mills administration, you heard assurances that there’ll be no witch-hunting. There’ll be; lots of them. Things will get ugly; very ugly. The NDC and NPP deep disdain for each other will shine through brightly and it will not be pretty.
People in the just-ended NPP administration who smeared their hands, elbows, legs and clothes with state-owned palm oil fuga fuga should get nervous (if they are not already). Fact: there is prime vacancy at Nsawam prison. It’s ‘air conditioned’ with tiny windows and high walls. Remember, Tsatsu Tsikata just made a grand exit. Since nature abhors vacuums, the witch-hunting will generously find high-powered replacements. My crystal ball has disclosed the list of Tsatsu’s replacements but if I divulge the names to you, I would have to kill you. So please don’t push me to tell you.
NPP Battles: NPP deep-wound licking will occur openly throughout the year 2009. People are deeply hurt. People have lost their investments of undisclosed sums from undisclosed sources to finance an expensive campaign. Now, they are depressed with no one to turn to, to recoup losses. Sadly, they won’t even see the crude oil money with their naked eyes. Owing to the deep hurt, some deep secrets will leak out, recklessly. Open your ears to hear the salacious details. I can’t wait for the sensationally mucky juicy details! This will be so much fun. Pay particular attention to NDC-friendly newspapers and Radio Gold. Shine your eyes and remove the clogs from your ears. Enjoy while you cry for Ghana.
NDC Power Struggles: The NDC will show beyond a grain of doubt that it consists of both heady and gentle factions. The extremists will openly fight with the moderates. Our newspapers and FM stations will gleefully carry the smears of the fights to distract Ghana in its fragile developmental efforts. To save yourself, dodge so you don’t get caught in the cross-fires. It’s very painful to be hit by stray bullets. You’ll be told simply, ‘Oops! It wasn’t meant for you!” By then, it will be too late.
There will also be many incoherent boom speeches this year. They will be hoarse. You must stay calm, pay attention, put on your thinking caps to deconstruct the action-packed boom speeches if you’re to succeed in picking out any gems.
1992 Constitution: This is the beginning of the 17th year of the 1992 Constitution.
It is of age; a male with beard, nostril hairs and leathery deep voice. One area in which the Constitution will be tested at the seams is freedom of speech and its accompanying press freedom. Some NDC extremists will try to suppress the freedoms Ghanaians have been enjoying and taking for granted. And we’ll get mad; so mad that some folks will head to court with law suits. With that, ambitious lawyers will get good cases to test the 1992 Constitution. In related matters, the National Media Commission will be very busy, addressing media complaints.
Women and Children: By December, the number of children hanging out by roadsides selling made-in-China goods will increase and our leaders will not care. The eye-of-the-storm will be between Kufuor and Rawlings Junctions. Also, by December, the sleeping lady-Goliath, the 31st December Women’s Movement would wake up, fully adorned for action. Conveniently, the Ministry of Women and Children would be dissolved and the 31st ladies would re-fill the vacuum.
dorisdartey@yahoo.com; dorisdartey.blogspot.com
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