The Fourth Republic came to town in 1992 to save us from a long stretch of years of nonsensical oppressive military rule. While coming, we didn’t realize that the Fourth Republic was very pregnant. Soon on arrival, she began to give birth left right and centre – with reckless abandon. After all, the Fourth Republic is one tired parent who was in hiding for so long and got busy playing hanky-panky in all sorts of places while waiting to come home. Bad!
So no wonder she arrived pregnant, ready to pop out kids – family planning gone to the pigs. The pregnancies are unstoppable. Whenever there are many children, chances of having odd mixes are pretty high. Some legitimate, some illegitimate; some tall, some short; some light complexioned or albinos, some as dark as charcoal; some greedy liars, some cleanly sincere; some wise, some plainly but unapologetically foolish.
The one thing all the children of the Fourth Republic have in common is the title Honourable! Honourables are one damn breed of people! They are named Honourables at birth – at elections and on Presidential appointments and anything else in between, like accidents and incidents. They arrive with a halo above their heads much like mosquitoes hover over the black hair of the Blackman in the dark!
The word Honourable has sinfully hilarious pronunciations. Some people pronounce it with a heavy H for emphasise to probably show the depth of respect and awe in which they hold the illegitimate children of the 4th Republic.
There is a phlegm factor in the pronunciation of Honourable – to ump it up with a thick Ɔ as in HƆNORABLE. The nasal passage must necessarily be loaded with a good amount of thick phlegm or else the title is reduced to any ordinary word! Woe unto anyone who does that! Under-pronouncing the title Honourable should be an offence punishable by flogging. We need a constitutional amendment on this matter.
Workshops should be organized throughout this country to coach us on the proper pronunciation of Honourable. Free tutorials by linguistics professors like Kwesi Yankah will be necessary. If freebees-tutorials cannot be arranged, then the government must contract World Bank loans. Our grandchildren will pay later. Alternatively, we can seek for grants – real freebees from our ‘Development Partners’ – as we clutch on to our tired old ugly national golden/crude-oil begging-cup. The last option to pay for a nation-wide Honourable Pronunciation Exercise is to forward-sell our crude oil. Cape Three Points – here we come!
Honourables have glued themselves onto our political landscape. Go to small towns – they are there; Honourable this, Honourable that. They are in 'tro-tro', shorts, 'batakari' and some really funny-looking suits from which grown and baby cockroaches could drop out of armpits with just a little provocation.
Let’s cut through the chase. More Honourables are coming to a street corner near you! The Nana factor has entered our politics.
There are ten main categories of Honourables. They are:
(1). Selected: Members of Council of State, Ministers, Deputy Ministers, Functionaries in the offices of the President and Vice President.
(2). Elected National: Parliamentarians.
(3). Selected Local: Mayors, MCE, DCE.
(4). Elected Local: Assemblymen at the Municipal, Metropolitan and District Assemblies, and Local Organizing Committee members.
(5). Unelected Local: Quasi sub-committee members.
(6). Former/Ex Elected: Those who lost elections, or retired after legitimately being called Honourable.
(7). Former Selected National and Local: Those fired/dropped by His Excellency the President and rudely reshuffled out of office with or without explanations; or voluntarily retired because of age or sickness but conveniently forgot to drop the title.
(8). Political Party Functionaries: (Officials, veranda boys/girls and all sorts of weird characters.
(9). Almost-Elected National and Local: Those who have ever attempted to run for office but lost, or abandoned the quest.
(10). Honourable Look-Alikes: (Anyone who looks noble anywhere any-day anytime. This list is by no means exhaustive.
The most hilarious illegitimate children of the 4th Republic are those who are mistakenly called Honourables but neglect to correct it with a simple statement: “Oh, I’m not an Honourable!” Sadly, it’s much like mistakenly addressing someone as Professor or Doctor. It sounds so good; so they smile sheepishly and coquettishly and let it pass. Then after a while, people continue to call them by that title until they themselves believe that they are Professors or Doctors. They then, inadvertently, move into that impenetrable state of “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” And they die as Professors and Doctors. No questions asked. No answers given.
We must do an Arithmetic of Honourables in Ghana. Here is a gutter strategy to figure out the estimated number of people parading our political horizon as Honourables. These figures can only be guestimates, far from exhaustive and correct. We have had four national elections – 1992, 1996, 2000, 2004. Do your own mathematics. Don’t forget to factor in the following: about 5% roll-overs who have remained in their positions since the 4th Republic gave birth to them in 1992; about 10% deaths; 0.05% of ex-Honourables who resist the title; as well as any other factors you can think of.
The fact is that all sorts of characters are parading around as Honourables. We can’t keep track of the illegitimate children of the 4th Republic. Another election cycle is around the corner. With it, the 4th Republic will pop out more children, both legitimate and illegitimate. So after December 8, more Honourables will come into being. In a national fit of stammering, HƆ-HƆ-HƆ-HƆNORABLE will echo throughout this land.
People do not hug the title Honourable for nothing. It is imbued with endless tangible and intangible benefits of honour, power, privilege and opportunities. Oh, and money-making possibilities too! No wonder some of those who have it bestowed on them (wrongfully or rightly) don’t want to ever lose it. They prefer to die with it!
At what point does a person stop using that title? On retirement, resignation or dismissal? Or, is it a matter of once an Honourable, always an Honourable, for life and into death? At the cemetery, for graves to be decorated with the title, lest God misses their importance while on earth?
What happens to trash-talking, disgraceful, criminal, ‘awam’ Honourables? What are the rules, if any, about the use of this title? For instance, when an “Honourable” disgraces him/herself and brings the title into disrepute, should s/he be de-flowered? On this score, should NPP’s Edumadze still be addressed as Honourable after ‘allegedly’ man/mis-handling a journalist? Does he also brutalize fragile ‘little people’ who chance through his powerful life, even for brief moments? This man and all other Honourables like him should be saved from themselves and society.
And – NDC’s Dan Agbodakpi returns from prison and slides right back into Parliament. True? A nagging question: When he was in prison, did prison officials address him as Honourable? Did they say: “Honourable, it’s time to return to your cell”? Or, “Honourable, your two cups of water is too much to soak the garri?” How did that work out?
And – NPP parliamentarian – Amoateng, in prison in Bush-Country USA for drug trafficking; Do prison officers address him as Honourable?” No way!
An enduring question: Why is the title Honourable gender-neutral? Why aren’t the female species known by a feminized version like Honourablees?
+233-208286817; dorisdartey@yahoo.com
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